Quote

Me and the guy I am seeing (a comedian) are walking down the street.
Random guy: Oi mate, you know she's way too sexy for you?!

We walk on and comedian turns to me and says:
But what he doesn't know is that I'm way too funny for you...

(Touché)

On Being a Comedian

Yesterday I had a conversation with a couple of people at work about comedy (as I recently started performing stand-up) and found that there are some narrow minded and old fashioned views when it comes to comedy.

One of my female colleagues said she didn't think good looking people should be allowed to do comedy, using arguments such as; people are supposed to be laughing at them so they should be funny looking in some way, it's weird for attractive people to be funny and hot people shouldn't have a personality too!

Then a male colleague came into the conversation and said that women shouldn't do comedy because they aren't funny. I thought these ideas were extremely reductionist. Especially since I have seen some very unfunny men doing 'comedy'. The way I see it, it doesn't matter if you are male, female, not sure, pretty, not pretty, hot, sexy, hideous, odd-looking, quirky or otherwise. There's only one criteria you should meet to be able to do comedy and that's being able to make people laugh.

Regrets

Some people say that you should always behave as if everyone is watching you all of the time, as that way you'll never do anything you regret. The only problem with that is that there will also be things you will regret not doing...

Poem

I despair when men that I desire treat me with contempt
And yet I chide the other men that try to get me into bed
When they admit their facebook stalking, I roll my eyes and say
Haven't you got anything better to do with your bloody day?
I laugh, call them losers then suggest that we be mates
I'd rather slit my throat than go out with them on a date
Perhaps I am too picky or my standards are too high
If this is the case in point, the truth, then I'd like to know why
All the men I like are bastards and the men I don't are not so bad
All the men I like are mean or taken and this makes me rather sad
The final straw, the ugly truth, the turn and twist of the knife
Is that all the men who are good in bed are somewhat bad in life...

Kiss Chase

If you want me, come and get me
If you don't, then it's alright
If you want me, you can chase me
If you don't, then that's just life
If you want me, you can have me
Of course that's if I want you too
If you want me, come and get me
If you want me, if you really do...

June

I've started making others blush but some people make me blush instead
I'm dressing up for no-one and I'm sleeping in an empty bed
Silent disco in the pouring rain and I'd go gay for Jessie J 
Trying stand up comedy gave adrenaline buzz until the next day
Rode on the back of a motorbike and loved the way it made me feel
Enjoying life, because life is now, and life is good and life is real...

Published in an Anthology

My nano fiction entry that was commended in a competition last year by leaf books is now in an anthology:
http://leafbooks.co.uk/New/Books/Pod.htm